DOS AND DONTS IN A RELATIONSHIP

Do's and Don'ts for Success in a Long Distance Relationship

Don'ts

Do’s

Don’t put a few dollars over saving a relationship. Don’t assume that love by itself will carry you through. Don’t assume that a couple has to go everywhere two by two. Don’t, however go to the opposite extreme and start spending more time with friends than with your partner. Don’t feel apologetic about your academic work. Don’t take the telephone off the hook during a lover’s quarrel. Don’t hesitate to bring up whatever is bothering you, no matter how trivial it may seem. Don’t get angry or clam up if your partner voices concern about your love and fidelity. Don’t complain all the time about the inconvenience of being apart. It will make it harder to adjust to being apart. Don’t stay apart too long. Don’t forget to say “I love you” to each other. Don’t spend time worrying when you could be working. Don’t expect a fairy tale romance. They don’t exist, even for couples who are together all the time. Don’t let others talk you out of your decision to live a life that includes time apart from each other. Don’t think that choosing your partner is a one-time thing.

Do recognize the trade-offs necessary for an often-apart relationship and do learn to be smart financially (low long distance rates, low airfares, etc.) Do put an abundance of hard work and creativity into your relationship. Do learn to be independent, and when apart from your partner, enjoy your solitude and your friendships. Do put most of your energy into the relationship when the two of you are together, and use friends as supports, but not substitutes, for your partner. Do be sure your relationship is at least equal in priority to your school work. Do learn how to effectively and frequently communicate when the two of you have to be apart. Do share your feelings with your partner—fears as well as joys. Do talk about his/her concerns and find new ways to build trust and assurance. (and if you are having an affair, recognize that it is often a diversion from dealing with your relationship). Do change your life so the two of you are together more often. Do talk on the phone as often as possible when the two of you are separated. Do make a constant effort to be positive and loving with each other. Do learn to e productive and content when you and your partner have to be apart. Do believe that love and plenty of hard work can result in a great relationship—even if the two of you have to spend time apart. Do re-evaluate that decision every few months. Do remember that for the relationship to work, you must choose your partner and your relationship every single day.